Cancer Is Quite the Teacher

I never thought I would be proud of the fact I ate a small salad bowl of greens.
But it was truly an accomplishment for this ole gal.  Haven't ate more than a couple tablespoons of whatever in weeks, so an ENTIRE salad being consumed is amazing for me!

LESSON ONE:  "Food is fuel, and I don't need a FULL tank to be satisfied."  
No secret I've battled my weight since my maternity days.  Food has been VERY important to me. Partly because of my childhood, partly because its so available so easily....but mostly because it became my comfort (replacing the Comforter, ick, how I hated typing that but SO TRUE).  It's the one area I kept lordship over, Jesus forgive me.  Now food is something I need to keep this body of mine going strong to fight this disease.  Right now I think about everything I put into my mouth, asking myself if its going to help or hurt in the battle.  How I wish I would've considered such before all this.  But NO COULDA, SHOULDA, WOULDA, thinking here....wasted time and energy!  I'm going on from here, learning as much as I can about how the Lord has provided EVERYTHING we need for nourishment, including healing "in the trees".
Disclaimer.....I am not going to forever eat "twigs and berries" as my Kellie so often says.  But during this fight I'm going to do my very best to cleanse this bod of all the gunk I've fed it for so long.
ALSO...do NOT let the devil put any condemnation on YOU reading this!  You and Jesus are the only ones who can deal with a food issue, so just keep reading please, and leave that to the Holy Spirit.

LESSON TWO:  "My children are rare, incredibly giving souls."
As any mom will tell you, her kids are pretty dang special.  Mine were not perfect growing up and they would be the first to admit that.  BUT even in their rebellious seasons they never openly dishonored their parents, and I was never, ever ashamed to say "she's/he's mine!"
Now the older they get (middle age, WHAAAAT???) they have become my lifelines, my go-tos, and now in this battle, my caregivers.  Each has their own way of contributing to the fight....administration (do you have any idea how many doctors, forms, financial decisions, etc. are involved in this?! UH!)....nursing and nurturing with compassion WHETHER I WANT IT OR NOT (bathing, cooking and making sure I eat it, literally watching me sleep and stirring if I even move a finger all night).....literally laying aside their own lives---kids, spouses, their own beds for a blow up mattress or hard chair to sleep in---for DAYS to take care of Mom.....and sometimes if not always they make me LAUGH, and laugh hard which is better than any pain meds.  One of my boys sends me scriptures and sermons the Lord shares with me that are always RIGHT ON TIME.  My youngest just lets me lay in his lap all I want to and cry or just sleep.  One daughter sends homemade soups, mmmmmm.  Another never misses a day where she's texting me from work, asking how I'm doing. My oldest boy can't enter or leave the room I'm in without smooching me on top the head.  I could go on and on but there's so much snot on the keyboard I have to take a kleenex break.  You get it, I hope.

LESSON THREE:  "A storm reveals what was already there."
I love that quote!  Not sure where I heard or read it, but it has stayed with me since the day of my diagnosis.  Like the precious folk in Louisiana who have survived the floods so far, they are finding inner strength and resolve they probably had no idea they were possessing.  And cancer tends to do the same to a person.  Especially if you have Jesus Christ as your personal Friend and Lord.
Whether you use that strength however is up to you.  That's the key.
People have told me over and over my entire life, "you're so strong, Mary."  But when my body was attacking me with every possible pain one could have (I think my even my hair hurt) and they are prepping you for an invasive procedure which would bring MORE pain...I did NOT feel strong in any way.  As a matter of fact, I was a bithering, snotslinging mess.  But....it was then I called on Jesus, closing my eyes and envisioning Him literally wrapping His arms around me;  I used every letter of the alphabet to start a sentence or scripture that declared His goodness.  And He got me through whatever I was facing.  I know He always will.
My life scripture He gave me at age nine said He would make me tough, and I guess He has.  Why am I surprised?  He cannot lie.  He told me to never fear, He would be there WITH ME.  And He is.

No doubt there will be many, many lessons I will learn in this war.  But this soldier is determined to come out victoriously, promoted to at least a sergeant maybe?  lol
Hopefully, whoever reads this will also pick up some truth and maybe even wisdom along the way too.  

Let it be so, Lord Jesus.